The Brazilian Wax
The Brazilian wax is the cutting edge bikini wax for women. It gives you the smoothest tush, labia majora, and mons pubis that you can get. It's way better than shaving this sensitive area and when the hair grows back it's softer, less stubbly, and less itchy. Some women say it just makes them feel cleaner. I know all this stuff now because I just got my first Brazilian bikini wax for Valentine's Day.
This writer has been on a mission, all of her life, to become a hairless chihuahua. Yes, I've tried it all. I've used the buffers. (Just get a sanding block and rub it on your skin - it's the same effect.) I've used the depilitories. (They often stink and even the mild formula can leave you with a scab for a week on your upper lip, take it from me.) Then I bought the Epilady. Now there's a gadget that hurt like hell and it didn't pull all the hairs out either. The Epilady sisters got sued and the Epilady torture machines are no longer sold by the thousands on television ads. Now waxing has always worked pretty well. A bit painful, yes. Messy, yes, if you do it yourself, but fairly efficient. Electrolysis - God bless the man who invented electrolysis. I have my electrologist to thank for getting rid of my hairy inner thighs, the herd of strays on my chinny chin chin, taming my out of control bikini line. She even did my toes. (I didn't have to have my knuckles done because they drag on the ground anyway.) Laser hair removal is the newest thing but I haven't yet heard of anyone getting their ass lasered.
In December of 2000, in my eternal search for a hairless bod, I learned of a new wax job. I couldn't believe it. It was like the wax I dreamed of all my life, but I thought totally impossible. I mean, how could you ever do it yourself and who would ever do it for you. Who would you ever let do it for you! Well it didn't exist until our Brazilian sisters started wearing those teeny tiny, itty bitty dental floss bikini thongs to the beach. Yeah, I'll bet you thought they were naturally smooth, eh? Well, to tell you the truth, so did I. I envied them so. But now their secret is out and it's spreading like wildfire. It's done on your behind, front, and all the Netherlands in between. Painful? It's a little painful. But here's the catch. All the talk is that it's extremely sensual, for the man and the woman. All the talk is that the mere thought of it can drive a man wild.
I knew I had to have one.
There is some confusion as to exactly what the Brazilian wax is and isn't. To get all this bikini wax jargon figured out I called and spoke with the Director of Skin Deep-The Body Spa. She was really fun to talk to! I've taken the liberty of substituting my own terminology which I hope is not too offensive to the reader, but hey, why beat around the bush. We have a need to know this information. Here's the skinny:
Technically speaking there are four types of bikini waxes.
So the wax I had was called a Playboy according to Skin Deep (which happens to be the spa I went to for my wax). But you know what. I keep running into the terms Brazilian and Playboy being used interchangeably, so it's up to you to find out what the spa you go to calls it. Everyone I know calls it a Brazilian so that's what I call it. The bottom line is that you can get your bikini wax done any way you want.
I had to find a place to get it done. First I opened the phone book and called a few places around here. No one did them. One lady even asked me what it was and asked me to describe it, after which she said, "Nooooooo, we don't do those here." Another salon asked me what it was, I told her, and she said, "Oh,um, we do those." Suffice to say, her reply didn't win my confidence and I declined to set an appointment. This is not a wax that you want done by anyone other than an expert. I kept looking. Next, I turned to the Web. The trusty Web. Cosmopolitan magazine did a piece on the Brazilian wax in August of 2000. Though the article is not online at their site, a list of salons that do the Brazilian wax is. I was in luck! It would be a long drive but I called and made an appointment.
I wanted it to be a Valentine's Day surprise for my husband but since I'm seriously directionally challenged I had to ask him if he would drive me. He said okay and asked what for, and then why I wanted it done. (Bear with me, I'm married fifteen years here.) I explained to him, in the simplest terms, that I'm getting it for Valentine's Day for him. It was like a flock of seagulls. He didn't understand why I'd want to have all the hair ripped out of this very personal part of my body. I was thinking these tales I heard about how great the Brazilian wax is had damn well better be true.
I had my wax done by Sharma at Skin Deep-The Body Spa. I was really stressing out about getting there because you know how traffic is in Southern California. My husband was a wee bit short tempered because it was going to take us an hour and fifteen minutes to get there and we only had an hour. He told me it would take an hour when I first asked him and I just know he totally zoned out on the fact that that's exactly what he told me. We were both grumpy and irritable on the drive there, but anyway, he's the king of navigation and he got me there only a few minutes late. (I knew he could do it.) I went in to my appointment and my husband took our little boy for a walk.
Sharma, the technician who did my wax is really friendly, in her mid twenties I'd guess, a pretty brunette. She says she's been doing these waxes for four years. She asked me if I wanted to keep my panties on or wear a paper bikini and I picked the paper bikini since I knew there was bound to be some stickiness and I didn't want to ruin my panties. I had just gotten a new purple bra and panty set from VS especially for this day. She left while I put on the bikini and I lay down on the table. Then she came back in and started. She was so at ease and made me really comfortable, considering the position I was in of course. I do believe that this is part of what you pay for when you go for this kind of a wax. I once had a full leg wax done by a chick who was like Attila the Hun. She was all business, spoke nary a word during the entire appointment, the whole while ripping the hairs out of my legs. I never went back there for anything. The woman who waxes your private parts for you has to be a really nice person for sure.
I made small talk. Was quite nervous. I remarked that this must be pretty mainstream because I'm just a plain housewife/sahm, and she replied that this was "the cutting edge wax." Hmmm. I cogitated on that and felt like one very cool mamacita, for about two minutes.
First she waxed my behind which hardly hurt at all. I was able to carry on a pretty normal conversation. Then she did the front, the mons pubis. That smarted. My hands began to sweat and I wiped them off on my sweater. Next, yikes, she started between my thighs. She warned me that the wax was going to feel warmer on my labia. The wax is the same temperature the whole time, it just feels a little warmer when applied to this sensitive part of the body. Good thing she mentioned it or I would have been startled for a second. Then she told me to take a deep breath and let it out, and at the top of my exhale she ripped. "OH MOMMA!" I said. I laughed and needed a second to recover. I don't know why I said such a stupid thing like "Oh Momma." What a dwid I am. I noticed a little bit of tears at the outer edges of my eyes, but it was from laughing really. From laughing at myself for going through this ridiculous exercise in the pursuit of hairless chihuahuaness. Since all the hairs don't grow in the same direction there, she had to do it a couple times in each direction to get all the hairs. She plucked a few that didn't come out. A good tip she gave me was to hold the skin very taut where she was waxing. It helped me a lot by making it less painful and more efficient at the same time. I could feel where she was working, so I held it real taut. It was over quick.
You can get your muff styled into different shapes. You can get a heart or a triangle or the "landing strip" is quite popular. This is just a narrow rectangle. That's what I asked for. Well, I'm kind of short, and I don't really like my landing strip. I think it looks more like a Hitler mustache, but vertical. Next time I'm getting an upside down triangle. I've noticed I've grown used to the look but still, I'm getting a regular triangle next time.
One last thing is, I don't know why God did this to some of us ladies, but I've always despised the hair in my crack. Remember, this page is for grrrrrrls only, and if you're a man reading this, something really bad is sure to happen to you because you really shouldn't be here. Yes, there's some hair between my cheeks. I hate it. No one knows about it except me, my gynecologist, all the nurses who helped deliver my babies, my husband, my doula, now Sharma. You see. This is too many people. Anyway, when Sharma was done, she asked me to feel and tell her if there was anything she missed. I felt a little there and told her and she got rid of it. It's still completely gone there and it's been two weeks. I am so happy and joyful over this. I can't tell you how much. Just this makes it so worth it to me!
Afterwards I was red for much of the day, but there was not a smidgen of lingering pain. I expected there might be a few flecks of blood at some point because my hair is so thick, but there was none at all.
I left her a 50% tip. She was worth even more.
So that's about it. The things I feared most didn't happen. For example, in my ruminations I imagined she might say, "Whoa, now there's a hemorrhoid about the size of Alaska." (Things happen when you've given birth.) Or maybe, "Yo, does your old man need to strap on a two by four to keep from falling in?" Or, "Girl, this is the most hair I've ever seen on anybody." None of that happened. She was the consummate professional. It's her job you know and they see lots and lots of women for these waxes. In fact Sharma said that the person doing your wax should have had the same wax job done at some time so that they know exactly what you're experiencing.
It turned out that my husband, who had no concept as to why I would venture to do this, is thrilled with it. He says it's DY-NO-MITE! Says he doesn't think he can go back to the furry version again.
And I guess those Brazilian chicks thought they had a lock on this little wax job. Not anymore! Good luck if you're going for your first one. It is G-R-E-A-T.
I'm going for another one next month!
Article reprinted here with permission. For more information and updates please visit Rosepetal's Brazilian Wax page.
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