My Breast Reduction

I have an admission that I know will shock all you hot-blooded men out there, but will have a lot of women nodding with understanding.

I've had a breast reduction. Yep, I had big boobs. Huge boobs. Each cup of my bra would have made a nicely-sized hat. I also had, like most women with disproportionately large breasts, back problems.

Now, aside from the fact that chronic pain isn't the greatest aphrodisiac in my book, I am at a loss to see why so many men are so fascinated by big boobs. Were they weaned too young, like cats who dribble and suck on your jumper? Some deep-seated Oedipal tendency? Or perhaps a bovine fetish?

After years of back pain, I decided to have 'em lopped down. The plastic surgeon explained that this wasn't a cosmetic operation—there would be considerable scarring and I might lose some feeling in my nipples. Hell, you could stick a pin in my nipples pre-op and I wouldn't have felt it, so what did I have to lose? When he left the room, I discreetly asked the nurse about his abilities and she reassured me that "his wife has lovely breasts." OK, bring on the scalpel, matey.

It's a major and pretty messy operation—equivalent table-time and recovery to heart surgery. And a pretty big financial investment too. But heartened by the thought of being able to buy off-the-shelf lingerie, I boldly leapt in. I'll have a B-cup, thank you.

Now, my relationship with my new breasts didn't start off too well, I have to admit. Waking up to the first sight of my own thighs in many years was a bit of a shock. When the bandages finally came off, my (ex) partner's "Frankentits" comments were a little unsettling too. But worse was to come when finally I was up and about and went out in public. For one thing, people who knew me made comments like "Have you lost weight?" to which I snappily hissed, "Yeah, two pounds off each tit."

And then there was the issue with strangers. They were all suddenly staring me out. It was scary. At first I put it down to a little post-op paranoia, but it seemed to be persisting. I have since discovered that this behavior is called "eye-contact" and is a perfectly normal part of interpersonal communication, and not intended to be threatening. I also discovered than my IQ had jumped at least ten points overnight—at least in other people's perception.

Then there was the fact that my partner dumped me shortly after the op. I was still overweight - exercising had been impossible with the back problem & such humungous boobs. I had just turned 30 and felt pretty shitty about my body. I still had extreme back pain, and it seemed at first that the op had been a flop, so to speak.

But then about six months after the reduction, I found a physio who said she thought she could help. She worked to readjust my old posture by taping a big "X" on my back while she had me in the correct posture. I then had to wear this tape for a few weeks - every time my posture slumped, the tape would tighten, making me aware to straighten up. Within a few weeks, I felt like a new woman. If you've never suffered chronic pain (and I hope you haven't) then it's hard to explain just how much it can affect who you are. I'm naturally a very happy optimistic person, but after years of constant pain, it was pretty difficult to maintain a good mood. Having the pain stop was like being returned to the real me.

Also, with no back pain and udders to get in the way, I was able to be a lot more active. I lost about 50 pounds (20 kilos) within the first year.

No pain, less scarring and newly single, I started to enjoy my new breasts. After years of trying to hide them, now I was wearing push-up bras for a big night out and actually ENJOYING guys perving at my perky new boobs. Suddenly I was in control of projecting my sexuality when I wanted to, instead of feeling like guys were always fixating on my boobs in inappropriate situations (like, say, at work).

I've spoken to a number of other women who have had the same op, and they've all said that it was the best decision they ever made. Men usually pretend to agree with the idea, but you can see that deep down they think it's almost sacrilegious. Yeah, well, it's not like they ever had to lug 'em round all day. The ones who disturb me, though, are women who have quite normal-sized breasts themselves but say "you could have given them to me!" The thought that anyone would be willing to risk a life of chronic pain for the sake of being treated like a dumb passive sex-cow shocks my socks off.

And as for getting a breast enlargement because your boyfriend suggests it? Don't get me started!

Bio: Anya is the brains and beauty behind the Ubermole site. She has many great talents and speaks her mind. I am very lucky to call her my friend.

Article reprinted here with permission. 

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